WOW. Doesn't time fly, especially during this lockdown when the days seem to merge together.
It really doesn't feel like six months since my last appointment with my consultant.
13th August 2015
That date is imprinted on my brain. I'm sure you can guess why...
Yep, it was the day Mark and I were told I had Cervical Cancer.
And yet, after all this time, when the day arrives for my appointment with the Gynecologist I still feel churned up inside.
Everything about that day comes flooding back. Those feelings. The disbelief. Was I dreaming? The test results were wrong - they had to be. I mean, I was only forty-four years old. My son, Nathan was about to start year nine and my daughter, Becki was about to start high school. I felt fit and healthy. Life was moving on - or so I thought...
I remember at the time there was SO MUCH going on. We'd just moved house, there were so many upheavals going on at work and my Aunt - who was a second mother to me - died. Whilst working full time I was trying to sort out the house and also my aunt's house which needed clearing and putting up for sale. Then, BAM!
Mark and I are sat in an office, with a consultant and nurse hearing him say to us:
"I'm sorry, I'm afraid it's cancer.'
Who would have thought that five years later I'm still trying to find the 'new normal'?
There are side effects that still plague me, these are:
Bone ache
Extreme tiredness
Lymphodema
But the main thing is: I'm still here! I've beaten cancer! 🏆🎉 (well, the official all-clear is February 2021). Despite everything, I'm lucky and I am thankful every single day. This doesn't mean I walk around with an insane grin across my face 24/7.
I get bad days. Days when the side effects really knock me back. I'm afraid, I admit that I get days of depression, days of fear, fearing for the future. Dreading what else life will hit me with.
But there are also days of optimism, feeling grateful, loved, ambitious and feeling stronger. Does that sound strange?
On a good day, I actually feel stronger because I fought the battle which so many of us fear and I came through the otherside. OK, with war wounds, but I survived 😊
Life has moved on, yet in a short while I shall be making that journey to the hospital again - only this time with a mask on and no one beside me for support, thanks to COVID-19.
Wish me, luck guys. TBH, I'm so nervous I feel a bit sick!
Take care.
Speak soon.
💕💕💕💕
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